changes.

im sitting in tok and im really bored, as always. i really cannot be bothered listening to the teacher or doing any work today.. nothing special happens here, well of course there is drama everyday, but i learnt not to care anymore because i just get so tired of people talking shit about each other etc.. a friend of mine said i looked like bella from twilight today. but i think she is ugly so that was a nice "compliment" :D my whole body hurts because of the weekend and of the football match. actually the mtach yesterday was a lot of fun but we lost, not that i expected something else. :P those lund girls are bitches but i dont even start complaining..
yesterday was also one of those days where i was thinking of germany, old times and old friends. it is really sad to realize how just a few friends are left out of so many i used to have when i was still living in germany and it hurts.. in the beginning when i moved i had so much contact to all the people in germany and i dont know what happened but nowadays i have hardly contact to anyone and i am even scared of going to germany on vacation..i cannot really describe the way i feel, but it is really weird. the first month after i moved i missed germany so much but now, after a year i dont miss it at all. obviously i miss the few friends i still have and hockey but thats it. im tired of people who pretend they are my friends and talk so much shit about me.. im also tired of people from germany telling me i changed so much and i seem to be like such a bitch nowadays, even though they have not seen me in ages. and it hurts to hear those things.. i hate those bitchy looks when i am back in my hometown and hearing people say stuff about me, i dont know what happened, i really dont. but it feels like im not close to them anymore and that i wont have contact to anyone soon, and that is a really shitty feeling..
the last weeks i was so excited to go to germany but right now i really dont want to go, maybe because i am scared of realizing that less and less people are there for me, i dont know. but i prefere staying here in sweden and party with those amazing people. but well there is nothing more to do about it, now its decided that im going to germany.


(oh btw i forgot to post it in tok so i will post it now, just if you wonder why it is on my wall that late :P)