JULLLLLOOOVV.

finally we ended school, im so happy about it. in the end school just annoyed me so much, the last days were so pointless but well. now i just enjoy my holiday. yesterday me and my wifyyyy went to väla and ate yummy food at ikea. me like very much! afterwards she came to mine and we had the funniest conversation with the probably most retard person i know, according to him im either on my period or just pmsing :D hahahaha wow we laughed so badly. we watched a funny movie and had very nice conversation, as always. soon i am heading to väla to buy the last christmas presents for my lovely friends aaand i am going to meet my dearest blacki then :D so seems like i will have a great day.

what is this?

why the fuck are tears in my eyes? what the hell is wrong with me, i dont understand anything anymore. i hate you, for acting around me like you do, i really do. why is it so fun for some people to see me like that, i dont get it.. you are such a player. i want the past to be the past, i dont want it to happen again. the only thing that happened to me last year was getting hurt. it seems to be so much fun for you guys..

. . .

okay im just writing everything here since i dont know who to talk to anymore. i cant handle it anymore, i thought everything was perfect, i mean i was so damn happy, especially because of hockey and my friends. hockey is still awesome, last weekend i went up to gothenborg to train with the national team and it was loads of fun. i love my team, the girls are all so kind and always there for me. we are like a little family and since most of them can speak german it makes me feel a lot better. of course i am always happy for havin my friends, they are truely amazing, but during the last time its just weird. i dont feel as accepted anymore, and it also feels like some of my friends keep on letting me hanging. it could be that its just me who thinks. it hurts to see how people forget about you, people that you know since your little or very good friends, kinda lose their interest in you.i get in more and more fights with friends but i dont know what i did wrote. the feeling of losing friends really hurts, but it happened to me so many times lately. and i gave myself so much shit for it. i know i shouldnt but i did. i thought about it so many times, and i have had a big headache since two weeks. its horrible. and my past is a bitch -.- i cant get over it, its so hard. i have tried it for sucha long time but it just doesnt more. i think i need some new people in my life and i need to get rid of others but its so hard. i hate it.. but there is nothing to do fo rme i guess, i cant more then try. i know i will fail it anyways. thinkin of my past all the time makes sad and just very confused. i cant talk to anyone about it because i would just annoy them big time. i dont know what to do anymore. i am a retard for not letting my past be my past, its hard to explain what i mean. my stupid headache doesnt stop -.- but well i guess i just gotta live with that. handle it on my own..somehow. but i dont understand myself anymore, why does my past bother me so much? my cant it be a finished chapter in my life, a chapter that i cant open anymore, one that isnt forgotten but one that i dont care anymore, like just another part of my life..

its my biiiiirthdaaaay :D

i know i havent written anything in ages and it will change again but i just didnt really have time. well just to shortly talk about the time i havent posted anything.. apart from studying, tests and homework i had to do it was pretty amazing. i had a hockey match with my lovely girls, we won everythign and i am so incredibly proud of us, since we are the best out of our group. and the coach from the other team came up to me and told me i was the best from everyone. that was exactly what i needed and finally gave me more self.confidence. i love hockey so much. at the weekend i am going to gothenborg again because we have a camp with the national team there, i am sooo looking forward to it. then i spent a lot of time with my friends. god, i am so thankful to have them. they mean so much to me. i had great girls and talk nigths with them which always made me happy. i went to town quite a few times and had a good time there. i made yummy cookies with my beautiful girlyy and an amazing chocolate cake with my lovee and so on.. so the past time was great. of course i had my days where i really didnt feel good, but who doesnt have those days. i wont talk more about it since its already forgotten :P
today i am in sucha good mood, probably cuz it is my birthdaaaay and everyone seems so happy today. everyone is very kind towards me. me like very much :D i just love havin birthday, its always interesting in different ways. i get so cute presents and people say happy birthday in various ways, even people from germany which makes me happpyy. :D well i already got everything that i wanted, uggs, earings clothes, money and my friends around me, i really do not need more hihi. but its also interesting to see who ignores me or who actually forgot it. now i am just sitting in school, kinda bored and waiting for the school day to end since i am going to fika with my mummy and then my lovely girls are coming over and we are having yummy dinner, it is going to be awesome.
wow i cant believe that i am seventeen now :o just one more year and i am eighteen, freakin amazing. being seventeen is nothing special but at least i am closing to eighteen now haha.