blääh.

being on a diet for so long is a bitch. i mean yeah you get used to not eating a lot of candy and other unhealthy food but i got to a stage where i am soo freakin hungry all the time. the only problem is that i cant eat more cause i still want to loose weight. right now it more feels like im gaining some again which really is not good. i guess i will never be happy with my body. i hate how low my self-confidence is. i am still afraid of gaining weight.. my stomach hurts a lot lately and i need to eat more but i just cant. i know i would be unhappy again. ah i hate this situation cuz to me it is a lose lose situation.. just now i feel so ew once again, i guess i have already gained 0.5 kilos since friday and i really dont want that! well i gotta weigh myself soon and thn i will see :/ ..

eine angst die andere nicht verstehen können.

i now managed to loose the last 2 kilos that i wanted to loose but now i am scared as hell of gaining something again. i check the calories and fat of all the food i eat and doesnt matter what i eat i feel bad afterwards.always when i see a mirrow i have to check out my body, if it looks skinnier, fatter or something. it is a horrible feeling i have and i dont think a lot of people understand me.i always weigh myself in the morning but now i started doing that in the evening again which is annoying and depressing. i start getting all sweaty and feeling weird before weighing myself in the evening cause im scared that i gained more then i was allowed to..i cant gain anything.. i really dont want to otherwise i feel so bad again and have to eat even less.. i think i gained some weight today again, well it feels like it..gonna check it very soon even though i dont want too. ah i hate it..